Nico loved football. Everything about it.
The way the grass smelled in the morning when the dew settled. He loved running his finger over footballs, feeling every ridge. Tracing the laces, tossing it up and down. When he put his pads on he was Invincible. A gladiator. He relished every bone-jarring hit. Nico wore each bruise, each cut like a badge of honor.
I met Nico when we were 6. He was a linebacker, I was a safety. He was naturally talented, football just came easy to him. I sucked. Nothing came easy to me. I wasn’t fast, I wasn’t slow, I didn’t like being hit. I was clumsy. It’s only natural that Nico and I would become best friends.
He was kind when no one else was. After I made a mess of our first practice, he took me under his wing. Morning workouts. Evening runs. Weekly film sessions. He was never threatened by me or held back in fear of me becoming better.
Eventually, I did become a better player. I became a star. He was just a guy. Nico could have been bitter, resentful. He didn’t care, he never let football get in the way of our friendship. I loved him for this.
3 years after that first practice, our parents started taking us on these camping trips. We didn’t want to go at first. Video games and junk food were our usual weekend plans. These camping trips helped us see the world differently. It slowed everything down, really let us get in touch with nature and appreciate everything we took for granted.
Nico and I kissed for the first time in these woods. We were twelve, both our hearts were racing. Neither of us knew what to expect, but it just felt right. I had kissed girls before. But this was different. There were no butterflies, no sweaty palms, no nervousness. This just felt...right.
In these same woods, Nico told me he loved me for the first time. He held me in in his strong chiseled arms, I always felt safe in them. He cupped my cheek firmly, but gently. We locked eyes as he said the words that forever changed our lives.
We told our parents. They didn’t flip out. I think they knew long before we did. Just one of those instincts I guess. I had always thought coming out to your parents would be the hardest thing in the world. I’ll always love them for that.
Nico had the idea to come out to the team. We were 17, going into our last year of high school. A lot of the guys we had grown up with. Played on that same pop warner team, we were all friends. They would occasionally make gay jokes about Nico and I always being together, but it was never anything serious and no one believed it was true.
We told the team after a particularly intense practice 2 weeks before the season kicked off. The team gathered around us. Nico took my hand. I could automatically see the disgust in some of our teammates’ faces right away. Some tried to hide it, others made no effort. As Nico explained our feelings, I grew scared. I had known some of these guys my whole life, but they were unrecognizable.
Nico was oblivious to it all. He thought it went well. I could feel a rift growing between us and everyone else. Coach broke the huddle after Nico finished speaking and commended us on being brave. The team clapped, but it felt forced and awkward.
A few weeks later, after a huge win over our cross-town rivals, Nico wanted to celebrate. We both had great games, Nico and I helped hold the other team to one touchdown. He wanted to party with the team, but I felt no such desire. He told me he’d go with or without me. Every instinct I had screamed not to let him go, but I was too tired to fight. When Nico wants to do something, he usually does it.
My parents were the ones that told me. They woke me up around 9 AM the next day. I feel like I already knew what they were going to say before they said it. Nico had died last night. He had drowned during a freak drinking accident. I couldn’t believe it. My heart ached as I broke down, tears streaming down my face. This wasn’t right, there’s no way it was an accident.
The police investigated. They ruled there was no foul play. Nico’s parent’s left town soon after that. They fled the stench of the town, and what it did to their son. I quit the football team, renounced my scholarship and never played again.
But here in these woods, we gather to remember Nico. A kind beautiful soul that wasn’t afraid to be my friend when no one else would be. That showed me love when I thought I could find it nowhere.
That taught me it was ok to be myself, to be different. He was taken from us, from me too soon.